Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
