Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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