My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i drank out of a bidet.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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