dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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