I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize