Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
