I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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