sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
