The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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