i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
