Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Randomize
