i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
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