i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
