That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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