when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
