Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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