Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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