Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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