i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Sober January is a disaster.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
