Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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