I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just invented taco cereal.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Can you bring me the toilet please
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
