all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
