we're chasing vodka with high fives
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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