Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
