Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
