just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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