That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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