Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
