i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
