i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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