i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
