Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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