Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
