I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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