mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
