Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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