I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
