found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
