I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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