Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Randomize
