The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
