I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize