If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
