theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
He did a backflip because drugs
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