So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
