Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
