You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
