A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
