I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
