The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
