it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
