He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
