What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
