My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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