By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
