I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
