Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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