you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
