have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
