I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
