I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
