Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I just put wine in my tea
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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