Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
