Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
