I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
