we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize