I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
