just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
