her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
