Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
