do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
