Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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