I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
