im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
