he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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