I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
