I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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