508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
