he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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