Your face is a jimmy john
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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