we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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