i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I got her a Nickelback box set.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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