Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
