ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
