so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
