if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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