They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
