I think i peed on brittanys purse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
