it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
