My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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