I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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