just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
