She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Panties = found
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
