plz talk dirty to me
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
