I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sext me about skeletons
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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