Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize