Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
