Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
