'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
