I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
