If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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