I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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