I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize