Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
