I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
