So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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