I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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