She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Randomize
