He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
