Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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