another moral hangover. fuck.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
