Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
