I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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