I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
