Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
