Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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