C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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